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The Lost Art of Listening
5 Practices That Will Transform Your Conversations Today
By Simon Sticker, Documentary Storyteller
The other day I shared a film about Zimbabwe’s superstar musician Poptain over at DREAMTOWN’s Substack and it made me think about story-listening.
When I started as a documentary storyteller, doing interviews and leaning deep into peoples lives felt both exciting, but also a burden to carry.
I wondered, if my questions would do their story justice, but also it almost felt like a performance as at the end, it was also about getting answers, that would help me tell the story afterwards - a form of extraction.
So for the first years - while the camera was my permission to go deep and personal into peoples lives, but also allowed me to hide behind - the interviews felt like a complex interplay between my curiosity and the burden I felt.
What I learned through hundreds of interviews over the years, a good interview is like a good conversation.
The more we lean into our own curiosity instead of sets of questions, focus on connection rather than extraction of quotes, the more you focus on listening than looking for an answer or forming your next question - the more those conversations allow for depth, humanness and true connection.
But you don’t have to be a journalist to be a great story-listener.
Genuine story-listening is a daily-life superpower that helps you build deeper and more meaningful connections with the people around you, whether that’s your family, friends, or colleagues. Its a daily practice, not always easy, as our own egos, perspectives, intentions often blend itself into conversations, also led by the idea of that we have to provide answers, instead of just giving space to someone.
But it is so worth it, when you give it a shot.
Why Story-Listening Matters
Story-listening is more than just hearing someone’s words;
it’s about understanding the meaning, emotion, and experience behind those words.
It’s at the heart of empathy, connection, and trust. Humans are wired for stories, and when we feel truly listened to, it “can be almost like giving somebody who's been on the desert a drink of water”.
People are often starved for genuine listening and deeply moved when it finally occurs as this conversation on the hunger for listening describes.
Interestingly that is true for almost everyone, no matter if it's a young person in a marginalised community or a person in the spotlight - to truly feel that someone listens is rare and therefore special.
Moreover, the stories themselves are powerful tools for empathy and understanding, forging emotional connections that go beyond surface-level conversation.
So here are five practices for better story-listening.
Photo and collage: Simon Sticker
Five Simple Practices for Story-Listening
1. Be Present. Physically and Mentally
“Most of the time, we may be present physically, but are mentally checked out.
To listen well, you have to consciously set aside whatever is on your mind and pay attention to the person right in front of you” [Source].
So, create space for the other person, minimize distractions, and focus your attention, both body and mind, on the speaker.
I learned that it takes energy, but this alone opens up almost any conversation as the person you talk to can feel your attention and focus on them.
2. Put Aside Judgments and Reactions
It’s human nature to want to jump in, offer advice, or share our own experiences.
However, good listening means putting your opinions and judgments aside and resisting the urge to “fix” things or shift the conversation to yourself.
“Stop trying to fix others or rescue them.
Empower them to think like a creator, not a victim” read more on this topic.
Let them shape their own story and feelings, finding connection with themselves.
Your job is to help them with that without altering it with conclusions.
3. Show Curiosity Without Interrogation
Story-listening thrives on genuine curiosity: “An important aspect of Deep Listening is the qualities you project towards your speaker: curiosity, empathy, awareness of judgments, and respect.
Acknowledging that you don’t already know what’s in the mind of your speaker can be transformative” [Source].
The more you can lean into this, the more you open a space for true connection and learning.
4. Listen for What’s Not Being Said
Words are only part of the story.
Most humans tend to give informational answers first, but if we give them space, they might reveal their emotions behind it and the deeper layers.
But words can express only this much.
So pay attention to tone, body language, and even the silences between statements.
The more you tune into it the more you are able to uncover the hidden layers that make us human and the true depth of the person you talk to and their story.
5. Reflect and Clarify
This is a simple practice, but one I find often so effective: Echoing back what you hear, in the speaker’s own words, helps them feel seen and understood.
It also helps clarify meaning: “Learning to crystallize the very core of what you’re hearing can feel tough at first, but there are clues that can guide you as you check your understanding ... including their emotions” as described in this article on Deep Listening by Emily Kasriel.
The “Tell Me More” Challenge.
Your One-Week Practice.
Here’s a simple but powerful little experiment for you to try this week:
Whenever you’re in conversation and feel the urge to give advice, steer the topic, or share your story, pause instead and say, “Tell me more about that.”
This small prompt shifts the spotlight back to the other person, giving them space to deepen their story and helping you practice intentional, deep listening.
When people feel truly heard, it transforms both you and the relationship, no matter if its in a conversation with a friend or in an interview for an journalistic piece.
The performance angst I felt at the beginning of my journey, eased over time, because I realized that mastering story-listening isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being present, asking better questions that come from my curiosity, and focusing on connection more than contribution or extraction.
Storytelling isn’t just the domain of writers and journalists. It’s an essential part of all our lives.
By listening well, we create more connection, open new worlds of thought, story and emotion - all while building empathy and trust.
So, give the “Tell Me More” challenge a try.
You might be surprised by how many stories are waiting to be heard - and by how much deeper your connections can become.
About the author:
Simon Sticker // Documentary Storyteller
For two decades, Simon Sticker has pursued a mission to bridge diverse human experiences and foster empathy through the power of storytelling.
His professional journey has involved documenting a wide range of global issues, including the impacts of climate change, human rights struggles, the clashes of war, and the beauty of the human condition. In his work, he consistently strives to find new perspectives and tell stories that connect people to the world and to each other.
This mission currently finds its focus at [Dreamtown](http://www.dreamtown.ngo), where Simon leads global storytelling and innovation. In addition to this role, he pursues long-term independent projects exploring our shared humanity and our relationship with the planet. To extend his impact, he frequently consults and teaches organizations, media outlets, and journalism schools on the art of storytelling and how to navigate the evolving media landscape, empowering others to use narrative for positive change.
You can find more of his work here: www.simonsticker.com
And for weekly writings, like the above, visit: simonsticker.substack.com
I’ve been using Hindenburg full-time for nearly a decade, and it’s the only audio software I’ve ever truly loved. It’s fast, stable, and beautifully intuitive—built for storytellers, not engineers. You can do precise micro-edits with ease, layer complex scenes quickly, and never get bogged down by bloated features you don’t need. Everything in Hindenburg is thoughtfully designed and genuinely useful. I couldn’t imagine making audio documentaries any other way.
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